uk

I think it is entirely right and proper that Sir Fred Goodwin has been stripped of his knighthood.

After all, I am a shareholder in the Royal Bank of Scotland and his incompetence has cost me a significant amount of money and pushed back my retirement age to 87.

In fact, why stop there ? Personally, I find it objectionable that Freddie's surname includes the word 'Good'. This man is not good - in fact, he is a very bad man so I suggest he should henceforth be known as 'Fred Win'.

BBC Breakfast ran a story this morning about the sale of woodlands. The gentlemen responsible for selling woodlands was quite a comedian. He started his act with:

'In these difficult economic times, people are looking to invest in woodlands to hedge their bets...'

and then, referring to the potential investment opportunity and without a glimmer of a smile, he delivered the immaculate line

One of my favourite United players - for his sublime skills on the pitch and the modest, understated way he conducted himself off it. Thanks for all the memories, Paul.

Chatting with a good friend over dinner last night, he recounted how his son ambushed him late one Sunday night with some economics homework that he'd somehow manage to overlook and which simply had to be submitted the following morning.

Annoyed, and after dispensing a severe bollocking, he reluctantly sat down and gave his son some lengthy help with the complex and thorny topic of

'How does monetary policy affect the economy ?'

A week later, his son mumbled 'Oh yeah - I got that Eco essay back today and got a 'C' for it'.

These are indeed exciting times in the Brightside household:

When I heard that Arsenal were busy making plans for their injured and oh so inspirational captain, Cesc Fabregas, to hoist the trophy aloft and end 6 barren years without a sniff of a trophy, I had a horrible feeling it might end that way.

Can you imagine the suspended United captain, a grey suited Roy Keane, doing that back in 1999 ? Can you even imagine Ferguson even contemplating that option for just a second ? No. Neither can I.

Sarah Baskerville is a civil servant who works for the Department of Transport in London.

Back in November, there was a minor storm in a teacup when the Daily Mail caught Sarah caught posting the shocking revelation to Twitter that she 'Had a hangover' whilst at work. In addition, she occasionally had the temerity to dare to question Government policy.

Dear Fat Controller

Occasionally, I use South West Trains to commute from my home in sunny Norbiton into the City of London. However before you say anything, don't worry, I am not a merchant banker despite what my friends say.

Today, in an attempt to secure a seat, I delayed my departure slightly and caught the legendary 08:36 service from Norbiton. Unfortunately, I narrowly missed a highly prized seat when a rather forceful gentleman, who boarded after me, miraculously managed to reach the last vacant seat 0.74 seconds before me. Bastard.

Manchester, near England - Wednesday 5 January 2011

The footballing world was left reeling yesterday at shock news emanating from Manchester City's training facility at Carrington. A local man, Frank Booth explains: 'I always pass the City training ground on my way to work so I always check out the players going through their drills. Yesterday I was quite shocked to see all the players smiling and laughing. I couldn't believe my eyes so I stopped for a closer look.

Frankly I think the pair deserve each other but some excellent quotes from Tevez's agent, Kia Joorabchian, on Garry Cock.

'Garry Cock thinks he's bigger than Carlos Tevez.'

'Garry Cock has an inflated opinion of himself. I brought him in from Nike after he begged me to get him a job in football.'

'I got him a job which paid him more than four times what he was earning at Nike and he didn't complain about me then but it's all gone to his head.'