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Digging in a Habari sandpit

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Sunday 23 November 2008

What's the frequency, Kenneth ?

• Recent Posts

  • open letter to Mark Burgess
  • has your company got a Community Manager ?
  • open letter to Tony Hawks
  • more fun with keyword searches
  • black screen of death

recursive financial advice from the BBC

The BBC have a program called 'Pay off your mortgage in 2 years'. Tonight's episode featured a couple from Cornwall with a mortgage of 90,000 GBP.

The program is moderately interesting for the various ideas people come up with to earn extra income (not for the scrimping, living off baked beans and giving up alcohol).

However, the program is spoiled by some very basic flaws.

Firstly, any extra income seems to be tax-free. If they did raise 45,000 GBP in one year, the Inland Revenue would demand a significant element. It's a shame but it's the law, you see.

The mentor repeatedly refers to his very clever 'accumulator principle' which involves simply multiplying a weekly income of 'X' by 104 to determine the additional income over two years. He (and the participants) seems to view this basic mathematics as some startling revelation.

Secondly, the mentor also dangles the thought of all the mortgage interest payments saved as an incentive to realise a livelong dream.

For example, he told tonight's couple that if (surely when) they eventually do achieve their goal and pay off their mortgage of 90,000 GBP, this would free them from the shackles of 22 years of interest payments totalling 76,000 GBP.

The couple could then use this 'money' to buy a large, light, airy studio for painting and a home office.

The couple looked genuinely astounded and delighted. They did not have the basic common sense to understand that the very intelligent mentor had neglected to point out one important fact; to obtain this dream studio, they will either have to raise a further 76,000 GBP (which might take a while) or take out another mortgage.

Oh, the del.icio.us irony of it all.

probably the best marketing campaign ever

Agency: London Rubber Company Location: Heathrow T4 toilets.

• Durex Featherlite
• Durex Ribbed for Extra Sensitivity
• Durex Extra Safe
• Durex Gossamer
• Durex Lager & Lime
• Durex Chicken Korma
• Nurofen

Obviously two of the above are fictitious but the Nurofen is genuine. A great idea to counter that age old objection - 'Not tonight dear, I have a splitting headache'. [ This blog is brought to you by Tom Hanks who actually has lived unnoticed in Heathrow Terminal 4 for the past 8 years, sleeping on chairs by night and queueing in various parts of the building by day. ]

caution with BA online check-in

You can save lots of time and get even more things done by checking in online for your flight at www.britishairways.com. You can even change your allocated seat (sometimes) which is useful as BA will always allocate an aisle seat if your preference is window and vice-versa. Version 2.0 of the BA site (June 2006) will even include a brief description of your prospective neighbour in order to help you with this difficult choice. You can also print out your boarding card on your 12 year old dot matrix printer. This means you can skip the short queue at the BA self service kiosks and immediately proceed to the lengthy queue for the curiously misnamed 'Fast Bag Drop'. However, a word of caution to all you GTD'ers. Wait for the printout to fully emerge and carefully check the output before leaving the BA web site. Secondly, always, always click the 'Click here to print boarding card' icon to avoid potential embarassment. Do not be tempted to think that because you work in IT, you know better and it will be far quicker to simply right-click 'Print This Page' to save another 2.4 milliseconds in an effort to get things done. Trust me. I did it and because I don't know what a 'frame' is, I found myself presenting a rather unusual boarding pass at the British Airways desk that simply said:

"Click the 'Print Boarding Pass' button (you idiot) to print"

revenge of the BAA queue monitor

This morning at some unearthly hour, I found myself standing once again in the queue to clear security at Heathrow Terminal 4. I was almost at the X-ray machine when a member of staff approached me and invited me to 'volunteer' for a full body scan. He took me behind some screens and for one moment I feared the BAA queue monitors were going to exact their terrible revenge for my outspoken criticisms last week. However, he explained that the body scanner would take three scans of my body, each of which would pass a small amount of radiation through my body. He added that people are exposed to such radiation when flying above 30,000 feet and the body scan would be equivalent to flying at this height for just 2 minutes. This was supposed to reassure me but only planted the question in my mind: 'Is it dangerous to fly non-stop 24 hours from London to Australia ?' He then offered me the option to decline but said the alternative would be a 'full body search by hand over there' (pointing to an open area). Obviously I agreed so I then had to stand at two oblique angles with my hands up and felt like a complete idiot from the hilarious TV program 'You've Been Framed' although, thankfully, I was hidden from the view of curious members of the public behind the partitions. He then gave me the all-clear to proceed and informed me that I had the body of a 65 year old (which was a little depressing as I am only 42) and was pregnant with triplets but I did manage to jump 4 places in the queue as a reward.

hostelries in West Bromwich

Days Inn Hotel. No restaurant service 'because it is Christmas'. No cooked breakfast 'because it is Christmas'. No Sky Sports which is normally available but has been withdrawn 'because it is Christmas'. Boddingtons is available despite the proximity of 'Christmas' at a very reasonable 2.95 GBP for a pint. The Marksman hostelry, a mere half a mile away, but a little more earthy, has Sky Sports at every booth and on big screens and sells Stella Artois for 2.20 GBP per pint.