London calling
So now the whole world knows what living in London is really like.
Clamouring with a crowd of 15 cosmopolitan, wackily dressed people, pushing and shoving trying to get on a red, double decker bus having waited 45 minutes. With some idiot playing Led Zep too loud on his iPod.
Then David Beckham comes along, takes your brand new football and smashes it into the adjacent park and some bastard nicks it.
Irish marketing
'This commercial free Bank Holiday Monday is brought to you by Magners.' - Virgin Radio (25 August 2008)
Well it may have fooled some of the listeners but it certainly didn't fool me.
chance meeting with man in Gents toilet
In my job, I am often summoned into very important, high powered meetings at short notice. It doesn't matter what I am doing, who I am doing it with or where I am, I simply have to make my apologies and leave.
Last week, a client took this approach to conducting business to extremes. I was standing at the urinals, fondly remembering previous posts on manners and officious, distracting and confusing corporate directives.
As I attended to business, a gentleman in a dark suit, no tie (yes, you've guessed it - 'Dress Down Friday') and wearing a rather incongruous pair of white trainers, came into the adjacent stand.
'Hi, David. Listen - just a quickie. I just want to check that we've covered all bases before the call at 3:30'
I looked down. Thankfully, I hadn't covered all bases and everything had landed in the urinal. If only she could have witnessed this, Norma Jeane would have been so proud.
'OK Dave. That sounds cool but Debenture will be on the call so I just need to check we are all aligned.'
I looked down. We weren't really aligned that well. Subconsciously, uncomfortable at my noisy, immediate neighbour, I had slightly turned away. Acceding to his plea for corporate alignment and strategic business partnerships, I re-aligned myself by facing forward.
'Listen David - I don't think your team really appreciate the enormity of the matter in hand here.'
I snatched a surreptitious glance sideways - above average perhaps - certainly not enormous but then Norma Jeane does say that men do tend to exaggerate a little.
'David - look if we don't get any joy in the next 25 minutes, we are going to have to escalate this to the very highest levels.'
Well, I would probably describe what I had just experienced as 'relief' rather than 'joy'.
Pause. Bliss. Peace at last.
'David - are you still there ? Speak up. The reception is this place is appalling - it's as if I am calling from a toilet. Absolutely. Unfortunately, the worst case scenario does mean dragging Anthony into this.'
What did this idle threat mean ? Was the mysterious 'Anthony' was going to be summoned from cubicle #3 to join us in a Holy Triumvarate ?
'Hey Dave - I fully understand your position but I am going to have to drop off the call now.'
With that, the important man in the suit and white trainers, equipped with the Borg headset, ended the call, shook hands with the unemployed, pulled his zipper up and left the Gents urinals.
Wimbledon match report
On Friday, Norman Junior III and myself loaded up our picnic hamper, packed the cool box with brightly coloured Bacardi Breezers and set off for SW19.
We had been lucky enough to get tickets for Wimbledon tennis in the public ballot last year but, thanks to the English weather, we only saw grey skies and 63 minutes of play. It was scant consolation that we saw Maria Sharapova in the flesh. OK, I'll admit it - that was a massive consolation !
This year, we applied again in the public ballot and we got lucky. Very lucky. We were allocated Centre Court tickets for Friday 4 July, the day of the Men's Semi Finals. Or as those posh stewards from the Wimbledon Championships prefer to call it, the 'Gentleman's Singles'
We used my own private and exclusive 'Park & Ride' scheme which entails parking on a residential road and walking through Wimbledon Village, admiring the beautiful people, en-route to Wimbledon Tennis Club on Church Road.
After clearing security, ('No sharp objects just ham & cheese rolls') we wandered around the outer courts which were hosting doubles and junior matches. We saw the world's sporting journalists and TV crews setting up in the media centre, had a look at Aorangi Terrace - sorry 'Henman Hill' - sorry 'Murray Mount' and gazed at hundreds of people, soaking up the sun and the atmosphere, preparing to watch matches on a very big screen.
Norman Junior asked why Wimbledon was charging a staggering 85 pence for a Toffee Crisp and £2.60 for a bag of Maynard's Wine Gums. I told him it was so the LTA can pay off the rest of Brad Gilbert's contract and finish the retracting roof.
At 12:30, we took our seats on Centre Court and were delighted to discover we had brilliant seats on row 10, to the left of the umpire's chair, bathed in brilliant sunshine.
Roger Federer against Marat Safin was the first match and Federer did indeed look impressive in his cream cardigan, with five gold embosssed buttons (signifying the number of his Wimbledon triumphs). Federer beat Safin in straight sets and he's an awesome player. It must be soul destroying to play against Federer as the guy never seems to make a mistake and barely seems to be exerting himself. Safin tried manfully but rarely looked like breaking Federer's serve and, after losing a second set tie-break and smashing a racket on his chair, Safin understandably lost heart and Federer triumphed 6-3, 7-6, 6-4.
After a quick break to play 'Spot the Celebrity' in the Royal Box (Prince Michael of Kent, Des Lynam, Michael Parkinson and Trevor Macdonald), it was time for Rafael Nadal. When Norman Junior III asked me for my prediction, I loudly said 'It will be close but I'm going for Schuettler in four sets' which drew some puzzled looks from our immediate neighbours.
Nadal is a big man and taller than I imagined. He is very strong, athletic and muscular. In fact, I think he has muscles on top of his muscles. Nadal swept into an early 3-0 lead after breaking the serve of the German, Rainer Schuettler. The game looked like it could be an embarassing, one -sided affair but credit to Schuettler who actually broke Nadal's serve and was on top in the second set. Nadal came back though and levelled to take the set into another tie-break. Inevitably, just like Federer and like a true world class sportsman, Nadal went up a gear and won the tie-break (and the match) easily.
We finished our cheese and cucumber sandwiches, drained our flask of tea, cracked open our packet of Wine Gums (60p from Asda), took some more photos and watched one set of Mixed Doubles (Jamie Murrary) before making our way home to try to (successfully) spot ourselves on the TV highlights.
Obligatory photos (with captions) here
in praise of Frank Dancevic
Two weeks ago, I made my annual pilgrimage to the Surbiton Trophy where I enjoyed a day in the sun watching an excellent Men's Final between Frank Dancevic and Kevin Anderson.
Norman Junior III also plays tennis at Surbiton albeit not to such a high standard. In the lull between the main event and the Men's Doubles Final, Norman Junior III and the juniors came on to entertain a handful of spectators on the two main courts, performing some standard drills with their coaches.
After two hours on court on a blisteringly hot day, I expected the winner, Frank Dancevic, to hoist the trophy for the obligatory photo, pocket his cheque and beat an hasty retreat to get a shower and a cold drink. However, much to my surprise, Dancevic joined in with the boys and girls playing with some 6 year olds on a quarter size court with orange balls.
Dancevic was absolutely brilliant with the kids, laughing and joking and even throwing in some grunts if he struggled to make a return. He then rallied with some up and coming teenagers who were very keen to score a point off the professional. Even after the fun session was over, Frank still made more time available to chat and sign the kids' tennis bags.
Last night, on Court 1 at Wimbledon, there was a minor shock as Frank Dancevic beat David Nalbandian in straight sets (6-4, 6-2, 6-4). Nalbandian was the 7th seed for Wimbledon while Dancevic is ranked 98 in the world and unseeded.
Well played Frank and good luck in the next round against Bobby Reynolds.