London calling
So now the whole world knows what living in London is really like.
Clamouring with a crowd of 15 cosmopolitan, wackily dressed people, pushing and shoving trying to get on a red, double decker bus having waited 45 minutes. With some idiot playing Led Zep too loud on his iPod.
Then David Beckham comes along, takes your brand new football and smashes it into the adjacent park and some bastard nicks it.
chance meeting with man in Gents toilet
In my job, I am often summoned into very important, high powered meetings at short notice. It doesn't matter what I am doing, who I am doing it with or where I am, I simply have to make my apologies and leave.
Last week, a client took this approach to conducting business to extremes. I was standing at the urinals, fondly remembering previous posts on manners and officious, distracting and confusing corporate directives.
As I attended to business, a gentleman in a dark suit, no tie (yes, you've guessed it - 'Dress Down Friday') and wearing a rather incongruous pair of white trainers, came into the adjacent stand.
'Hi, David. Listen - just a quickie. I just want to check that we've covered all bases before the call at 3:30'
I looked down. Thankfully, I hadn't covered all bases and everything had landed in the urinal. If only she could have witnessed this, Norma Jeane would have been so proud.
'OK Dave. That sounds cool but Debenture will be on the call so I just need to check we are all aligned.'
I looked down. We weren't really aligned that well. Subconsciously, uncomfortable at my noisy, immediate neighbour, I had slightly turned away. Acceding to his plea for corporate alignment and strategic business partnerships, I re-aligned myself by facing forward.
'Listen David - I don't think your team really appreciate the enormity of the matter in hand here.'
I snatched a surreptitious glance sideways - above average perhaps - certainly not enormous but then Norma Jeane does say that men do tend to exaggerate a little.
'David - look if we don't get any joy in the next 25 minutes, we are going to have to escalate this to the very highest levels.'
Well, I would probably describe what I had just experienced as 'relief' rather than 'joy'.
Pause. Bliss. Peace at last.
'David - are you still there ? Speak up. The reception is this place is appalling - it's as if I am calling from a toilet. Absolutely. Unfortunately, the worst case scenario does mean dragging Anthony into this.'
What did this idle threat mean ? Was the mysterious 'Anthony' was going to be summoned from cubicle #3 to join us in a Holy Triumvarate ?
'Hey Dave - I fully understand your position but I am going to have to drop off the call now.'
With that, the important man in the suit and white trainers, equipped with the Borg headset, ended the call, shook hands with the unemployed, pulled his zipper up and left the Gents urinals.
M40 memorial
There is a memorial plaque on the northbound M40 motorway in Oxfordshire.
Out of morbid curiousity, I pulled over this morning to pay my respects and read the inscription:
'Do not stand at my grave and weep Bring a picnic here instead Just be careful opening the driver's door Because that's what I did and now I'm dead'
BA launches bid for prestigious 'marketing campaign' award
British Airways, shocked at missing out last year's trophy, have launched a superlative campaign for 2008. Agency: Itchy & Scraatchi. Cost: £25,000 found in a digger after the completion of T5. Gate 3 - Newcastle airport.Together we can work wonders
Off to a gentle modest start.
Together we can get people talking about T5
That is certainly true.
Together we can make T5 world famous
Some wag has added a prefix of 'in'.
Together we can keep people smiling
Most people smile, dumped in Vancouver 17 hours late with no clean shirts and underpants, don't they ?
Together we can keep things moving
Well most things with the exception of the baggage carousels.
...and the final, closing, crowning glory.
Together we can get off to a flying start
Honestly, if you made it up, people wouldn't believe you.